business News Archive

• Popular Sunshine Skillet® breakfast served at Bob Evans' funeral

• Man under house arrest inconvenienced by Homearama visitors
• Open-air mall planned inside Tri-County Mall
• Purple People Bridge Climb replaced by Purple People Bridge Climb Museum

• 700 WLW shifts focus of billboard campaign to Canadians
• Jeff Ruby clarifies restaurant admittance policies
• Corpse found wrapped in KEEP CINCINNATI BEAUTIFUL banner

• Area vagrants devastated by pet food tainting

• FRUIT OUTRAGE: Colombian terrorists celebrate lifetime supply of bananas

• This DERF article republished by popular demand
• Dick in a Smaller Box available for undersized men

• National self-esteem convention not good enough.
• Charlie Rose Show ratings unchanged when network accidentally airs footage of empty set.

• Google store used to locate Ebay store.
• Delta purchased for 8 billion frequent flyer points
• Maria Bartiromo’s looks decline 7% in 3rd quarter.
• Crossroads purchases Catholicism.
• Anthony Munoz eats Furniture Fair guy.

• Starbucks strip mall nears completion.
• Gap t-shirt becomes vintage 48 hours after leaving Taiwan factory.

• Now busy professionals don't have to call OnStar directly.

• Ground-breaking Coke innovations continue to rock cola world.

• Crossroads dominates local fake church market.
• Fake Timex watches more expensive and higher quality than real Timex.

• Overzealous Ford executive outsources own family.
• Gorilla Glue production halted due to worldwide shortage of dead gorillas.

• Everyone finally files suit against everyone else

• International Star Registry runs out of stars, launches International Grain of Sand Registry.

• Time Warner Cable works for an entire evening in local home.

• Disgruntled company shoots all employees.

• Chipotle Tortilla Press rapidly becoming most popular home exercise machine.
• Hacker inadvertently designs virus that corrects many Microsoft bugs.

• Annual Telemarketer Awards rudely interrupted with attractive Visa card offer.
• Line for breakfast at Firstwatch finally dips below seven weeks

• In Memory of Dave Thomas, Wendy’s Announces All Chili Servings Will Be Sprinkled With a Pinch of Dave’s Remains… While Supplies Last.
• General Electric innovates ultra-neutral employee holiday greeting card.
• Frito-Lay Announces New Single-Chip Travel Pack

• Hoffbrau Haus upgrading to even better German polka music.

• Underground drug ring busted in Hyde Park nursing home.
• Government study states the internet is mostly to blame for the proliferation of web porn.

• Man first in family to receive Ohio Echeck certification.
• Maisonette keeps location options open with mobile service concept.
• Mulch wars heating up between global petroleum conglomerates.

• Convicted former Enron CEO announces plans to make convicted former Tyco CEO his bitch.
• AutoZone store inadvertently blessed by Crossroads Community Church.

• Preparing for prison life, Martha Stewart makes elegant improvements to prison uniform.
• Man Sets Record for Time Spent at Vending Machine
• Boss gets strange looks after telling workers he is in love with them

• Local Police confused and alarmed by government’s Donut Call list.

• DerfMagazine.com cancels sponsorship of 2004 Olympic Games.

• National Boycotters Association chooses Cincinnati as site for 2004 convention

• Bullet holes in J. Alexander's restaurant declared official tourist attraction.