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July 2007
Popular Sunshine Skillet® breakfast served at Bob Evans' funeral
June 2007
Man under house arrest inconvenienced by Homearama visitors
Open-air mall planned inside Tri-County Mall
Purple People Bridge Climb replaced by Purple People Bridge Climb Museum
May 2007
700 WLW shifts focus of billboard campaign to Canadians
Jeff Ruby clarifies restaurant admittance policies
Corpse found wrapped in KEEP CINCINNATI BEAUTIFUL banner
April 2007
Area vagrants devastated by pet food tainting
March 2007
FRUIT OUTRAGE: Colombian terrorists celebrate lifetime supply of bananas
February 2007
This DERF article republished by popular demand
Dick in a Smaller Box available for undersized men
December 2006
National self-esteem convention not good enough.
Charlie Rose Show ratings unchanged when network accidentally airs footage of empty set.
November 2006
Google store used to locate Ebay store.
Delta purchased for 8 billion frequent flyer points
Maria Bartiromo’s looks decline 7% in 3rd quarter.
Crossroads purchases Catholicism.
Anthony Munoz eats Furniture Fair guy.
October 2006
Starbucks strip mall nears completion.
Gap t-shirt becomes vintage 48 hours after leaving Taiwan factory.
September 2006
Now busy professionals don't have to call OnStar directly.
July 2006
Ground-breaking Coke innovations continue to rock cola world.
June 2006
Crossroads dominates local fake church market.
Fake Timex watches more expensive and higher quality than real Timex.
May 2006
Overzealous Ford executive outsources own family.
Gorilla Glue production halted due to worldwide shortage of dead gorillas.
January 2006
Everyone finally files suit against everyone else
December 2005
International Star Registry runs out of stars, launches International Grain of Sand Registry.
November 2005
Time Warner Cable works for an entire evening in local home.
September 2005
Disgruntled company shoots all employees.
August 2005
Chipotle Tortilla Press rapidly becoming most popular home exercise machine.
Hacker inadvertently designs virus that corrects many Microsoft bugs.
July 2005
Annual Telemarketer Awards rudely interrupted with attractive Visa card offer.
Line for breakfast at Firstwatch finally dips below seven weeks
June 2005
In Memory of Dave Thomas, Wendy’s Announces All Chili Servings Will Be Sprinkled With a Pinch of Dave’s Remains… While Supplies Last.
General Electric innovates ultra-neutral employee holiday greeting card.
Frito-Lay Announces New Single-Chip Travel Pack
May 2005
Hoffbrau Haus upgrading to even better German polka music.
April 2005
Underground drug ring busted in Hyde Park nursing home.
Government study states the internet is mostly to blame for the proliferation of web porn.
March 2005
Man first in family to receive Ohio Echeck certification.
Maisonette keeps location options open with mobile service concept.
Mulch wars heating up between global petroleum conglomerates.
February 2005
Convicted former Enron CEO announces plans to make convicted former Tyco CEO his bitch.
AutoZone store inadvertently blessed by Crossroads Community Church.
January 2005
Preparing for prison life, Martha Stewart makes elegant improvements to prison uniform.
Man Sets Record for Time Spent at Vending Machine
Boss gets strange looks after telling workers he is in love with them
June 2004
Local Police confused and alarmed by government’s Donut Call list.
May 2004
DerfMagazine.com cancels sponsorship of 2004 Olympic Games.
April 2004
National Boycotters Association chooses Cincinnati as site for 2004 convention
July 2003
Bullet holes in J. Alexander's restaurant declared official tourist attraction.
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