DERF MOSH - DERF Music Column
Eradicating Music Myopia (Click FULL STORY below to see video!)
By Matt Mitchell, DERF Music Columnist
I know what you are thinking, “Music myopia? Is that something my Valtrex can relieve?” Unfortunately for you, the promiscuity of your college days cannot be blamed for your sudden severe case of music myopia. This very common disease is spreading throughout society with the clout of The Black Plague the utter shame of syphilis; but only garnering the lackluster media attention of scurvy. Music myopia is also known by the street names “compositional complacency” or in Kentucky as “there is only two kinds of music country and western.” Common symptoms of this infliction include, listening to the same album repeatedly, comparing every band on the planet to The Beatles, Rolling Stones, or Led Zeppelin, and unsightly rashes (okay there are only two symptoms.) Fortunately, yours truly has a P.H.D (yes I do mean Playa Hatin Degree) in Auditory Expansion from the University of Phoenix Online. I have come up with some 100% organic solutions to relieve that itching and burning feeling that have taken you over.
Let’s start for those of you who need the most help, the ones with the serious cracking and burning. Don’t know who I am talking about? If you cannot name a single place to see a concert in Cincinnati outside of US Bank Arena, than I am referring to you. Luckily there is help. The Cincinnati area is full of exciting venues, to expand your musical nearsightedness. The Southgate House is always on the cutting edge of new music and musical trends. Not only is the music cool, but there is always an artist in residency and it’s in a remodeled mansion, a complete sensory overload. With the month of May full of exciting acts such as: !!! (you may remember them from my previous column), The Hold Steady, Tapes N’ Tapes, and The Ohsees there is hope in the immediate future.
Another concert spot that is sure to get you on the path to recovery is 20th Century Theater on Madison. 20th Century offers an intimate setting with accompanied by a solid lineup of music that is packed with both local and national acts. However, I must give you a bit of medical advice. There is a sense of urgency when it comes to this venue. The intimacy of 20th Century is so intense, people feel compelled to get married there, I’m sorry “hitched” for our neighbors to the south.
Another popular location to see shows is Bogart’s in the heart of Bearcat country. Bogart’s sports many big name national acts, including this columnist’s favorite show of the month Kings of Leon (See video below) on May 24th. The appeal of Bogart’s is how well the mass appeal of large name acts combines with the inviting feel of a small show.
Of course if you would like to really get over this horrific ailment, there is one sure fire cure. Yes sir, and its not more cowbell. Nope, all those buy local signs and campaigns can be applied to your reluctance to try new music. By checking out Cincinnati’s expansive local music scene you can open your eyes to sounds you never knew possible. There isn’t enough time or space to allow me to go into detail; you’ll just have to wait until that column comes out.
Well, your check up is now complete, please take these recommendations at least twice a month and call me with any questions. By the way side effects of this column, although rare include: frequent trips to the bathroom, bleeding from the ear, and priapism.
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