{"id":432,"date":"2021-11-06T16:52:40","date_gmt":"2021-11-06T20:52:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/derfmagazine.com\/home\/?p=432"},"modified":"2021-11-06T15:18:23","modified_gmt":"2021-11-06T19:18:23","slug":"report-taste-of-cincinnati-hillbilly-corn-consumption-scars-area-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/derfmagazine.com\/home\/lifestyle\/report-taste-of-cincinnati-hillbilly-corn-consumption-scars-area-children\/","title":{"rendered":"REPORT: Taste of Cincinnati hillbilly corn consumption scars area children"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

CINCINNATI, OH<\/strong>– Area psychologists are warning that a rash of severe emotional trauma has been reported among children who attended the Taste of Cincinnati. The children were subjected to potentially scarring images of hillbillies eating corn on the cob in the middle of the street.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe urge parents to look for warning signs,\u201d said child psychologist Dr. Linda Schultz. \u201cExcessive nightmares, changes in behavior, bed wetting, and, of course, an irrational aversion to corn.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Festival organizers have been warned in the past about the potential trauma caused by witnessing hillbilly corn eating. However, they took little action to prevent it. \u201cWe had a meeting with the corn on the cob vendors,\u201d said Taste board member Damian Treinan. \u201cWe told them to do their best to restrict or at least limit sales to people in Nascar hats, cutoff jeans, or bib overalls. But, in the end, there\u2019s not much you can do to keep hillbillies away from their corn. We heard that some of them were paying college kids to go and buy it for them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reports of the trauma surfaced just after the closing hours of The Taste of Cincinnati when five year old Jeremy Mathers began sobbing uncontrollably while riding home from the event. His parents Robert and Kathy report that Jeremy began screaming from the back seat, \u201cThat man with no shirt was mean to his corn!\u201d Kathy recalls that Jeremy had been just a few feet away from a shirtless festival goer who was simultaneously eating three ears of corn despite having what appeared to be two teeth. \u201cI hoped to get Jeremy away before he saw too much,\u201d said a devasted Kathy. \u201cBut before I could get him turned around the guy had half a cob in his mouth. His face was covered in butter and his chest hair was riddled with kernels. Jeez, I may need therapy myself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Area hillbilly Robert Wayne Matthews is unapologetic for any trauma that may have occurred from children who watched him and his family eating. \u201cJust a bunch a stuck up yuppies molly-coddling their kids if you ask me,\u201d said Robert. \u201cI just plain ol\u2019 love watching my old lady eat corn. She works it fast too. Gets them cobs cleaned off and ready for the outhouse in like twenty seconds flat.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Other hillbillies agree with Robert Wayne\u2019s assessment. \u201cOur money spends as good as anyone else\u2019s, and I ain\u2019t changing the way I eat corn for nobody,\u201d said Dry Ridge resident William Jo Watts. \u201cFirst they wanna take our meth away from us, and now this.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

CINCINNATI, OH– Area psychologists are warning that a rash of severe emotional trauma has been reported among children who attended the Taste of Cincinnati. The children were subjected to potentially scarring images of hillbillies eating corn on the cob in the middle of the street. \u201cWe urge parents to look for warning signs,\u201d said child […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-432","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-lifestyle"},"yoast_head":"\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\t\n\t\n\t\n