{"id":902,"date":"2021-10-22T11:04:16","date_gmt":"2021-10-22T15:04:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/derfmagazine.com\/home\/?p=902"},"modified":"2021-10-22T11:16:06","modified_gmt":"2021-10-22T15:16:06","slug":"pittsburgh-only-major-u-s-city-where-michael-vick-seems-classy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/derfmagazine.com\/home\/sports\/pittsburgh-only-major-u-s-city-where-michael-vick-seems-classy\/","title":{"rendered":"Pittsburgh only major U.S. city where Michael Vick seems classy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

PITTSBURGH, PA<\/strong> – An injury to starting quarterback Ben Roethlisberger meant that it was time for backup Michael Vick to come in and take over the offense. Vick\u2019s performance on the field in face of this adversity has endeared him to Pittsburgh\u2019s fans. Even more significantly, Michael Vick has found a home in Pittsburgh, as it is the only major city in the US where he stands out as a classy individual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat Vick kid, nothing but class,\u201d said Pittsburgh resident Corey Pace between bites of a sausage sandwich while wiping his grease stained mouth with his sleeve. \u201cI love Big Ben, but he can\u2019t pull off the classy jewelry the way Mike Vick can. And, I\u2019ll bet if Mike decided to sexually assault some co-eds, he\u2019d do it in a classier place than a dive bar restroom. Like, maybe a bathroom in a club that has a cover charge and bottle service. Sure, we love Ben\u2019s simple guy ways, but you can\u2019t beat class.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Though his time in Pittsburgh has been short, his impact has been felt all over the city, including City Hall. \u201cOn behalf of the great citizens of Pittsburgh,\u201d said Pittsburgh mayor Bill Peduto, while blowing his nose into his hand. \u201cI would like to award the key to the city to the upstanding citizen, great quarterback, and all around classy dude Michael Vick. I\u2019d also like to invite Michael up to my house sometime for dinner. I\u2019ll have the wife steal some of those really nice, sturdy forks from Chipotle to class it up a bit.\u201d The Mayor then excused himself, saying he needed to go to the bathroom, which he promptly did. On the steps of City Hall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI heard on the TV that Michael Vick did something with dog fights,\u201d said Pittsburgh native Kevin Burke, while chugging an Iron City beer on his porch, kicked back and feet resting on a pile of soiled diapers. \u201cWell, we don\u2019t much go for dog fighting here in Steel City. We might have a couple of bums go at it and then give the winner a cigarette and half a beer. Or, we might get the neighborhood dogs together at a block party for a good old fashioned humping contest. And, of course, we like to set up cage matches where the womenfolk battle to see who gets control over the TV. But, dogfighting, that\u2019s not for us. Too classy. That there is the sport of kings.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

PITTSBURGH, PA – An injury to starting quarterback Ben Roethlisberger meant that it was time for backup Michael Vick to come in and take over the offense. Vick\u2019s performance on the field in face of this adversity has endeared him to Pittsburgh\u2019s fans. Even more significantly, Michael Vick has found a home in Pittsburgh, as it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-902","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-sports"},"yoast_head":"\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\t\n\t\n\t\n