{"id":948,"date":"2021-10-22T15:58:30","date_gmt":"2021-10-22T19:58:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/derfmagazine.com\/home\/?p=948"},"modified":"2021-10-22T16:05:00","modified_gmt":"2021-10-22T20:05:00","slug":"gnomes-uncertain-how-to-count-selves-in-census","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/derfmagazine.com\/home\/business\/gnomes-uncertain-how-to-count-selves-in-census\/","title":{"rendered":"Gnomes uncertain how to count selves in Census"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>WASHINGTON, DC<\/strong>&nbsp;&#8211; As the deadline approaches for filing census forms, there is significant confusion among the gnome community as to how they should go about counting themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Gnomes from gardens, yards, and front stoops across the country fear that their numbers may not be properly recorded, depriving them of much needed federal funds. \u201cI have no idea how to proceed,\u201d said a Chicago area gnome. \u201cI haven\u2019t even had a form delivered, and even if I did I wouldn\u2019t know whether I should count myself as a full person, half a person, or if they have a box I can check for \u2018magical being.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Other census related problems for the gnome population include how to count groups of gnomes that are fused together as a single entity, where to place themselves as members of a family, and being able to hold a pencil in their stubby little hands in order to fill out the form.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Officials at the US Census have done little to address the concerns of gnomes. Census spokesman Robert Erwin explained, \u201cWe\u2019ve got plenty of overly confused humans to deal with first. After we take care of them we can move onto gnomes, gremlins, gargoyles and perhaps lawn geese.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>WASHINGTON, DC&nbsp;&#8211; As the deadline approaches for filing census forms, there is significant confusion among the gnome community as to how they should go about counting themselves. Gnomes from gardens, yards, and front stoops across the country fear that their numbers may not be properly recorded, depriving them of much needed federal funds. \u201cI have [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-948","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-business"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v17.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/derfmagazine.com\/home\/business\/gnomes-uncertain-how-to-count-selves-in-census\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Gnomes uncertain how to count selves in Census - Derf\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"WASHINGTON, DC&nbsp;&#8211; As the deadline approaches for filing census forms, there is significant confusion among the gnome community as to how they should go about counting themselves. 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