You’ve probably asked yourself this question. I know I have. This isn’t a topic we see written about a lot. One of the reasons is because it is a heavily subjective topic. I’d say that’s because there are a lot of ways to measure, compare, assess, etc. But I am very proud of a system I came up with that is personalized for every person who wants to think about it. I’ve shown it to a lot of friends who have at the very least enjoyed the perspective it offered.
Rather than a number we’ll focus on your perspective about your sexual history
Here’s the basis for how we get to the answer for each person. Deciding if you’ve slept with too many people is less about a specific number and more about understanding your past and getting perspective that will help you decide how to handle sexual relationships in the future. If you have a certain perspective about your sexual history, good or bad, then what is important is you have a guideline for making sure you do the right things form this point forward to ensure you feel good about the next several years.
Let’s cap this self-analysis quiz at the last 5 years
We will try to keep judgmental tones out of this. It is 100% about using your own feelings and values to objectively assess how healthy you believe your sexual history is. It is also better to consider this exercise as a 5 year window of your life. Thinking about a lifelong sexual history is really not productive because women tend to change their attitudes and behaviors in roughly 5 year cycles. So examining your behavior from over 5 years ago especially if they are a lot different from today is not productive.
There is no reason to feel guilty about ancient behavior that you may have grown out of. So if you’re 25 now and you believe you have a fairly active and healthy sexual lifestyle then there is no reason to think about the days when you were 19 and you went a little overboard with several visiting Lacrosse teams (I probably shouldn’t insert my own personal examples here).
Two categories here: Health & Self-Esteem
So let’s start with the simple questions below. They are broken into two objective categories. Both categories, Health and Self-Esteem, are distinct areas known to be affected by women’s sexual behavior. Remember, answer these questions with only the last 5 years in mind. Don’t go beyond that time frame.
Seven Questions to help you decide
1. Have you had more than 2 or more one night stands per year?
2. Have you used sex to get something other than intimacy or sexual gratification (i.e. job, money, revenge, etc.)?
3. Do you think your reputation has ever been damaged due to sexual behavior?
4. Excluding committed relationships, have you had unprotected sex with 2 or more partners?
5. If you think of yourself more sexually promiscuous than other female friends, does it bother you?
6. Have you ever had sex with more than one person in the same day?
7. Have you ever cheated sexually in a committed relationship?
Scoring Guide – If you answered Yes…
1-2 Times: A low number of these items represents occasional mistakes you have hopefully learned from. It’s likely you do not feel excessive guilt about these.
3-4 Times: This number of affirmative answers is crossing into more of a pattern of behavior versus isolated incidents. This behavior has the likelihood of lowering your self-esteem to some extent. Answering these questions probably stung a little but you got through it and if you were honest with yourself, you can instinctively take a few actions to make your next five years even better. It’s likely you don’t need a lot of guidance to change a few behaviors and make yourself feel a lot better.
5-7 Times: Congratulations for being honest with yourself. Answering these questions may have felt uncomfortable. In this upper range, it becomes clear that you may be suffering from self-esteem issues that sometimes overwhelm you. There may also be other issues or experiences within your life that contribute to your decisions to engage in behavior you’re not proud of. I’ve had a couple girlfriends that felt they were in this answer range and benefitted by talking openly with a girlfriend they looked up to. Finding a trusted confidante whom you admire can go a long way toward developing a new perspective and layout a roadmap for your next five years.