LOS ANGELES, CA – In a stunning display of generosity, Kim Kardashian has decided to donate the presents she received for her short lived marriage to less fortunate attention whores. Needy attention whores throughout the country are being sought out by the Kardashians to assess their worthiness for the gifts.
“I realize that my marriage was already an inspiration to millions of people,” said Kim. “And I know that I will continue to inspire millions as I go through my divorce. Yet, I am not done sharing my gifts with the world. I look forward to helping young up and coming attention whores with the donations of these wedding gifts. The process may take a while, especially since I have not yet had the opportunity to open them all.”
Kardashian reportedly made the decision after conferring with her mother, and other members of her publicity machine. A decision to give the gifts to less fortunate attention whores came about partially because it was thought that it might make Kim seem more sympathetic to the public, and also because she saw it as a way to get out of writing thank you notes. “When I am forced to have to spell and write and stuff,” said Kim. “My brain hurts. Bad.”
“Most of all,” Kim explains. “I really want to give back to those less fortunate. Not every attention whore in the country was lucky enough to be born with a gigantic attention grabbing ass. Not every attention whore was smart enough to let her boyfriend tape her having sex. So, the least I can do for them is pass along the blender Kathie Lee Gifford gave me.”