DENVER, CO – Hours after a press conference announcing Tim Tebow’s trade to the New York Jets, Tim Tebow extended an offer to circumcise Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez and any backup quarterbacks in the Jets lineup.
Tebow developed his circumcision skills while working as a missionary in the Philippines. He enjoyed the work so much that he has sought out more opportunities to practice since returning from the trip. “I had several talks with him about this at Florida,” said Tebow’s former college coach Urban Meyer. “I asked him to please stop bothering his teammates with requests to circumcise them. I eventually had to make him shower in a separate room from everyone else.”
Mark Sanchez has not yet given a direct response. “I’m looking forward to meeting with Tim as soon as possible, and for now, I hope that these meetings occur fully clothed and absent any sharp, potentially lacerating objects in the room.”
When told that the offer of circumcision is not just for him, but for all Jets backup quarterbacks, Sanchez responded. “I think this is a great idea for the rest of the QB squad. I encourage my teammates to move forward with the procedure immediately.”
Though Tebow’s original indoctrination into practicing circumcision was done in the context of a Christian humanitarian mission, the offer to circumcise Mark Sanchez is widely suspected of having a more sinister tone. Several sources claim to have seen Tebow practicing the procedure using a Swiss Army knife on a publicity photo of Sanchez.