WALTON, KY – Community organizers seeking to push the “Occupy Wall Street” movement around the country have been disappointed by the turnout in Walton, Kentucky. The “Occupy Walton” protest has been labeled the movement’s biggest failure thus far.
“We envisioned the streets of Walton packed,” said Occupy spokesman Vince Salitoro. “From the Dairy Hut to the Tractor Supply store and all the way over to the Porter family’s fishing hole. What we ended up with was, well, significantly less than that.”
The protest consisted of regional organizer Ben Dugan who was briefly joined by two Walton residents. It was soon discovered that the two residents were not actually participating in the protest, but had mistaken Dugan for a methamphetamine dealer. “We saw that dude with the beard and thought we could score some big city meth,” said Patrick Bick. “Turns out he was yappin’ about political stuff. Jerk wouldn’t even let me borrow some Sudafed.”
Though the turnout was low, there is some support for the Occupy among some Walton residents. “I get mad about that ritsy-titsy one percent, no doubt,” said resident Connie Hawkins. “We got people in this town showing off with their double wides and fancy windmill lawn ornaments and their shoes that they buy in stores while the rest of us are struggling just to get by. But I’m not gonna go out and protest. At least not while my stories are on.”
Organizers are having even more trouble putting together an Occupy Detroit event. “There seems to be a lot of anti-corporate sentiment in Detroit,” said spokesman Kevin Davidson. “But we can’t find anyone who wants to sit down and occupy the city of Detroit, even for a few hours.”