COVINGTON, KY – The Kentucky Department of Transportation in association with the Kentucky Department of Health has announced a new plan for an I-75 toll bridge. The bridge will feature modern toll collection methods as well as a lane dedicated to syringe exchanges.
“This bridge is gonna be a beaut!” said KY Transportation executive Grady Whittmore. “Shiny metal, nice looking concrete stuff, brightly painted lane markers…and best of all, a lane dedicated for junkies to drop off their old syringes and pick up some new ones. We’re gonna be the envy of the nation!”
The syringe exchange lane will address the problem in the Cincinnati area of a lack of places for intravenous drug users to obtain clean syringes. Mobile units that sought to provide such a service have been kicked out of several Cincinnati area neighborhoods. “We didn’t want them in our neighborhood,” said Norwood administrator Kerry Thompson. “Neighbors complained that the mobile vans were an eyesore, and that they took up valuable space in parking lots where residents liked to smoke crack.”
The remaining lanes of the bridge will operate as a normal toll bridge. Though the uniqueness of the area has led to some exclusive features. “There will be methods of payment other than cash,” said Whittmore. “The toll to get into Kentucky can also be paid using live or recently killed chickens, food stamps, or verified coupons for methamphetamine.”