CINCINNATI, OH – The Battle of Ohio is set to take place between the division leading Cincinnati Bengals and the AFC North cellar dwelling Cleveland Browns. As the week of practice gets underway, the Bengals coaching staff has assured the media that the team will be preparing properly for the Browns. They’ll be spending the majority of their time playing video games and napping.
“Cleveland week is always very stressful,” said Bengals wide receiver AJ Green. “Well, coming to the stadium isn’t that bad. Mostly we just play lots of video games, watch a little TV, and take naps. But, at home, it’s another story. My wife knows that we are gonna be playing Cleveland so I won’t be working too hard, so that’s when she hits me with all the chores on my honey-do list. Gotta rake the leaves, put up Christmas lights, and finally get around to cleaning out the garage. I’ll be glad when this week is over and I can get back to actually needing to pay attention to the team we’re gonna be playing, and she’ll leave me alone.”
Bengals Coach Marvin Lewis confirmed that the week leading up to the game against Cleveland will be light in actual football related prep. “We don’t want anyone getting hurt out on the practice field,” explained Coach Lewis. “In fact, we’re being extra careful on all fronts. The playing of video games is being monitored by our training crew to ensure that no one injures their thumbs. Players will be required to take a nap break after each hour of gaming, and the naps will take place in beds that are either close to the ground, or equipped with bed guards to ensure no one falls out of bed and hurts themselves.”
Though most of the preparation involves light recreation and napping, some players say that there are still some decisions that will impact their practice days later in the week. “Whatever they are saying, we can’t be sure which quarterback is going to start,” said Bengal Adam Jones. “If we find out Austin Davis is starting, I’ll play three hours worth of Call of Duty and take two hour long naps. If we find out Johnny Manziel is starting, I’ll play three hours worth of Call of Duty and take two hour long naps. However, I will cancel all of my plans to get bottle service at the clubs because I don’t wanna deal with that knucklehead.”